Things I Learned Today

Things Heard Outside My Bedroom Window

2009-08-31T10:43:00.001-07:00

"I've got kids why the fuck would I be a hooker?"

if you want your money you have got to slap it out of them.

2009-05-05T18:30:00.002-07:00

Never pass someone on the right while they're in the turning lane

2009-05-05T18:30:00.001-07:00

not much else to say about that.

my plan for the y2k.9 crisis

2008-12-15T18:17:00.000-08:00

when the crisis of y2k.9 happens and everyone is broke i will have a well developed plan.

step 1. build a robot suit.

with this robot suit ppl will think i am a robot so i can go 2 the rich ppls houses and "serve" them as robots do. I mean rich rich ppl not just that one great uncle that ur cousin has that has a few cars but not his own plane yet. i am talkin private jet rich fellas.

step 2. acquire the lost
since everyone will be poor and dying they will let their pets run wild. the streets will be owned by alley cat street gangs. i will befriend these alley cats with the caviar i sneak in to the pockets of my robot costume while working for the rich fella. the leader of the alley cat street gang is seen here:

step 3. develop stronghold
I cannot keep living at the rich dudes house serving him. i will have to pull a tony montana and take over his place. i will do this by A. filling his pool with molasses so when he goes to swim he drowns. B. gunz C. cat street gang D. poison in his ear. once I have my own command point i will be well on my way to be on top.

just got a new phone, time 2 choose a ringtone.

2008-11-30T14:01:00.000-08:00

so when i choose a new ringtone i decided i can't choose a song i like or i will always remember it as my ringtone and i won't appreciate it anymore. i also can't choose a song i don't like because that would get really annoying. and the preloaded ringtones are annoying also. mayB i should just get a ringtone that is annoying to encourage me to answer my phone faster. or i should just leave my phone on vibrate foreves. but then if i lose it i wouldn't be able to hear it ring.

not sure what 2 do.

i dont need the news or weather report

2008-11-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

when i have facebook statuses and myspace bullitens.

i was just bloggin n listenin to japanther when i noticed some new facebook status updates stating "is snow!" and "is playing in the snow!" and "go obama!" and "ppl dead in black friday" and "colorado buffs lost" (i think im abt ready to delete that obama guy. he is a little slow)

i then looked outside and sure enough it was snowing, ppl had died, buffaloses, and obama is president (srsly that guy is not upttodate enough to be my facebook friend).

are facebook statuses a threat to news and weather reports?

did u no news stands for north east west south? it combines all factions.

happy black friday

2008-11-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

happy thanksgiving dudez

2008-11-27T18:18:00.000-08:00

it is today that we r to be thankful 4 things such as: family, pets, f00d, p0rn0, ur new job, and most importantly... holiday sales that are happening tomorrow.

that's right. thanksgiving is rly about looking through ads in the newspaper to see wat the good deals r and what stores 2 camp out at.

so, happy thanksgivings and i hope u all find good deals 2morrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my cat and dog were fighting like cats and dogs

2008-11-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

not 2 sure what to do about them. maybe they r just training to be in the wcw. i will have to make costumes for them.

here's an idea of what the costumes will look like.

is it racist that i made the chihuahua a luchadore?

facts about kanye west

2008-11-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVigD94E9VE80

kanye masturbates in front of a mirror

kanye doesn't even need to eat because he is already so full of himself

kanye can't find hats in his size because his head is too big.

someone needs to rap battle him... to the death

add ur own fact about kanye

an animation

2008-11-12T23:04:00.001-08:00

What's the worst thing that has happened to you after pulling a "Radiohead"

2008-11-11T14:06:00.001-08:00

The other day I was reviewing a craigslist post where someone said they were selling their boat for "whatever you want to pay". This person obviously was hoping that pulling a Radiohead would be in his favor but I highly doubt it ended up that way.

I once sold my pokemon cards for "whatever you want to pay" and was promised 2 15.00 payments but never got the 2nd one.

What about the homeless guy that was selling his shoe for "whatever you want to pay" and got 2.35 which is enough for 1 40oz. He got wasted and dropped the 40 and cut a hole open in his foot which cost him 2350.00 which he didn't have so he went to rob some peoples but did he not know that people don't carry cash these days?

Pulling a Radiohead is rarely in your favor

fresh new name for babies

2008-11-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/10/us/politics/10babies.html?_r=1&ref=politics&oref=slogin

name ur babies barack obama for hope and change. i doubt very many parents are taking his middle name though.........

the future

2008-11-10T09:48:00.000-08:00

- square pizzas will make a comeback. or at least round pizza boxes.
- chipotle and qdoba will make robots that will battle to see who gets to still exist.
- paris hilton will be sold for 7 million dollars as a real life sized barbie after the amount of silicon in her body passes 80%.
- american change currency will change from metal to cardboard so people can play pogs with it. except for the 1.00 slammer coins.

how cool r u

2008-11-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

turn off ur fone for 2 hours. take the amount of texts and multiply it by 2. Take the amount of voicemails and multiply it by 5. if u have an iphone take ur monthly payment bill and subtract it by 100.

add it all up and it tells u how cool u r.

i am 4 cool.

if u have one of these fones don't worry about it cuz u r the lames.

what kind of hair did u have in elementary school?

2008-11-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

obviously bowl cut is the best. it's funny how us humanoids evolve our hairstyles from those 3 base options. just like the 3 base pokemans. then some ppl don't evolve their hairstyles and just keep the same one forever because it got them a kiss from sara in 3rd grade so y change? so what i'm trying to say is you can't have a level 63 squirtle that just doesn't make sense.

sry if the pic of the ginger scared u 2 bad and gave u a nightmare which caused u 2 wet the bed. email me i will send u sum new sheetz

everyone take a syllabus and pass it to the person sitting next to you

2008-11-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

this is where i introduce myself.

I'm 73 years old, and a loving grandma of 5. I believe in freedom of candy, by that i mean free candy. and equal rights for all dinosaurs. I think it would be worth the risk to fly use 1000 balloons to reach outerspace. i just don't know if I want to attach them to a lazy boy or a stool. The lazy boy would probably be safer. and i could still have my donut cushion.